um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
