mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
