Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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