I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
