Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
