Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
