i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
