whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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