He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
