so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
