help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
