Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize