Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
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