last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
