your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
