ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
