dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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