Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
