OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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