hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize