Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
