I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
