i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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