Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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