i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize