Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
