maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
