just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
