I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
