Plan B is the new Plan A
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
