walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
