If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize