Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
