How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
