this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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