When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize