apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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