Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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