I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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