We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
