Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
