alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
