obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
