i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
