How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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