i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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