I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
