It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
