Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
