your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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