The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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