Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
