you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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