Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
