you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
