You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
