I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
