Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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