bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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