Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
