I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
