What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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