DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
