smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
