sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
