Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
