The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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