I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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