i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
