I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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