Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
