There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I am midnight drunk by noon
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
