i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
