She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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