I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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