True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
