Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So vagazzling was a success
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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