Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
