smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
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