Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im holly from the hills drunk
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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