Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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