I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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