Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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