my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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