So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
