We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
