I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
