I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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