We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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