I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
