You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
