I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
