you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
